So, turns out I’m an OG baddie😂. You guys need to put some respect on my name na si aty nini😏. Incase you’ve been missing me for the last week, it’s because I was being investigated by Eldoret Police officers for car theft. Yes, you heard that right.
For some reason, a bunch of cops decided I could orchestrate the theft of a car. Sweet girl like me imagine🙄😕😅. If I’m being honest, I’ve brushed shoulders with Eldoret police officers a couple of times and I got physical and emotional scars to prove it.
There was a time one asked for a hand job in exchange for my freedom after I was caught club hopping and I didn’t have Ksh1000 on me. Like he literally unzipped his uniform, chomoad his mjulubeng and asked me to touch it and work on it.
Nyaunyo pia nmepokea na si moja au mbili. There was a time my friends and I were given a proper beating after being caught at a house party. Ile wanasemanga kichapo cha mbwa mse😂😩😒. 3 days later our bodies were still hurting. All the guys with dreadlocks or afros walinyolewa pia for the fun of it.
Oh, and have I mentioned that time I was a resident of Kapsoya Police Station Cells for two days because of Jamaican that wasn’t even mine? Kubandikiwa tu.
Suffice to say, I’ve had my fair share of unpleasant experiences with Eldoret Police Officers aka the 64 boys. This particular one, however, was on a whole other level.
How It All Started
Some of my favorite humans were in E—town on some work thing. Let’s call them Lingard, Rashford and Pereira. The first two are brothers and the latter is a close friend who works with them.
It usually goes without saying that whenever they are in town, they sleepover at my place and this time was no different. Some of my best memories have been formed during these sleepovers. I mean, these guys go all out. We cook, we make merry, we bond, we indulge and try our very best to finish stock from Yako so our and your future kids don’t suffer from alcoholism or related diseases. (can someone give us badges of honor already😅)
So, on Tuesday morning, Pereira steps out of the house to go get shoes from their car. It was parked just outside the building I live in. He comes back saying he can’t see the car. Rashford was the last one to use it so he asks him where he parked it. Rashford says at the usual spot. Confused, they go out to confirm Pereira’s story. Lingard follows them and because of FOMO I join them.
True to Pereira’s word, there is no car. We start asking around but no one saw nothing. The car just disappeared. Rashford goes to report the incident at MUFC Police Station. Ik ik, the football references zmekua mob but I kinda love my life😏. All I can say is it’s on your way to Iten. Lingard goes to town to see if it was kanjo who towed the car for some reason.
Pereira and I are left to ask the locals of Junction if they had any information that could help us. This proves futile so we go back to the crib. I get a phone call from Lingard asking me to throw away any bottles of booze na kadhalika coz the cops might bump in anytime na hatutaki kuchoma.
Two Eldoret Police Officers Arrive
A few minutes later Rashford comes back with an OCPD and some cop from MUFC Police Station. They ask us a bunch of questions. The OCPD is tall and loud which makes him so intimidating.
He starts pacing around the house and in my head I’m like “😒 the nerve, anakanyanga carpet yangu na viatu. Who’s going to clean that up.” Of course, I’m smiling and answering all questions directed to me very respectfully😂.
He starts making rude comments about he doesn’t understand how people with a car can sleep in such a house, on the floor no less. Ouch😩. My house is pretty decent by whatever standards🙄.
If you’ve been my guest at any point you can testify I go out of my way to make my visitors feel more than comfortable. So for this man to come into my house, step on my carpet with shoes, and talk shit about my hosting capabilities, I was pretty offended.
Kuongezea, he says chances are I’m the one who stole the car and starts asking us to produce the car between the four of us. His colleague asks me to dress up so we could go down to the station to give our statements. I was in a sleep shirt and jeans which to me ilikua nguo so I didn’t get it but I grabbed a coat and we stepped out of the house.
Heading To The Station
As we are stepping out I see my neighbors scattering. Wa downstairs wamerefusha shingo wanachungulia what’s happening hii design
Udaku inaeza ua watu btw 😂.The OCPD goes to town and the other officer, let’s call him Tuanzebe, tells us to meet him at the station.
The Interrogations Begin
We spend the entire day being interrogated and receiving scornful looks from other police officers at the station. Lingard comes through after a while with a friend we’d been hanging out with, Matic. They are asked to give their statements after which we are told to stay outside and wait to be called in.
As we are waiting, the OCPD comes back and tells me to come clean regarding where I put the car, they are willing to go for it. He says we Eldoret guys (Matic and I) must have swindled our visitors and stolen their car. Every single time he passed by where we were seated on the grass, he’d make some annoying comment and I’d roll my eyes inside my head of course😅. What a wuss 😂.
After say 30 minutes or an hour of waiting, we are told to hand over our phones. We do so and get back to the waiting. At around 2, two police officers drive in. They are in suits. One is plump, dark in complexion, and very no-nonsense. The other is tall, slender, and more friendly-looking. They meet up with the OCPD and he brings them our direction.
When they get to where we are, he briefs the two new cops and starts introducing us. He refers to me as “mwenye ameiba Gari. Tumemwambia apige simu aambie ao watu wasimame na atuambie mahali gari iko tuta endea. ” The same happens for Matic.
Sitting Down With The New Police Officers
I don’t know if the two cops were from the DCI or the CIU. They asked to see us individually. They wrote down details on our phones; IMEI number, Sim pin, make, etc. Once they were done they bounced leaving us in the hands of Tuanzebe.
Tuanzebe informs us they have no doubt they’ll find the car provided it hasn’t been turned to scrape as they had put out a BOLO alert countrywide. He also tells us they would not be returning our phones coz they need to track all our conversations and phone calls to see who we’ve been communicating with. It goes without saying we are not to renew our lines.
Baby Girl Nearly Lost It
To be very honest, I nearly lost it at this point. I mean I was already feeling bad about the whole thing. Let’s remember I’m a member of the female specie and thereby emotional by nature. Tension was high. Some of the OCPD’s comments were giving me chwest pains. The fact that I was even a suspect felt like an insult to my reputation which is something I really value. My parents brought me up to be a decent human being and I take a lot of pride in who I am.
Additionally, the fact that none of these humans I call favorite had bothered to defend me or say they didn’t doubt my innocence felt very hurtful. I mean, tulikua tu napiga story tukicheka. Deep down though I just wanted to cry. I didn’t wanna be a pussy though so nlikua nashinda nmejiambia Gang Gang baby girl. Alafu now they want to take my phone😏.
First of all, I make a living on my phone. All the money I make is through BA jobs and mostly my phone. I do social media marketing, I do online writing, I do Eldoret Leo and all these things are enabled by my phone.
Secondly, my mum calls me Ata 10 times a day. And you have to answer or else she gets super worried and paranoid unaezashtukia amefika Eldoret, 7 hours away from home. She’s very clingy. I love her and wouldn’t have it any other way though. I speak blessings upon her life. Anyway, where was I? Right, reasons why I nearly lost it when they said they were keeping my phone.
Thirdly, I was awaiting a very important parcel which had already been sent na ikafika Eldoret. Fourthly, all my money ilikua mpesa. You know with the rona we are avoiding cash transactions. Fifth, pesa Ya ku refill gas ilikua kwa hio line. Aiii.
Tuanzebe told us he’d be compelling us to go back to the station to answer more questions. To my surprise, that station doesn’t even have a photocopier. So he gets the relevant document and asks Lingard to go make several copies at a nearby cyber. Kwa bill yetu of course. Smh. He also asks for lunch😂. Typical.
Once we are done signing the attendance compliance form we head out, and proceed to run whatever errands we could coz it was around 4 or 5 pm. The brothers are told to go to their relative’s place. Of course, the parents are pretty annoyed with them and they’ve been fed with the idea that the cops are suspicious of the person who was hosting their sons.
Home Sweet Home
I get home. I’m reeking of sweat. My legs zimeparara from moving up and down. I am tired. I also need to cry and let out my frustrations privately. All these factors make me decide to take a hot shower first thing. Much to my annoyance, shower haina maji so now I have to boil water and do the basin kind of bathing which is not at all relaxing. I ended up boiling 5 jugs/kettles of water.
Looking at my feet, they looked like they needed to be soaked in warm rose water first. Yani, the state they were in waah. Hii story Ya open shoes btw, kidogo tricky for one’s skin. By the time I ended up bathing, I no longer felt like crying. I did try😂. A bit psychotic I know. Who tries to cry? 🤣🤣🤣. Ilikataa kukuja kabisa though so I just lathered my body with Imperial Leather’s Japanese Spa shower gel and washed it gently with a lot of love while giving myself a pep talk.
Supper was ready by the time I got out of the shower courtesy of Pereira. Aaaww. We were listening to a pop mix while trying to figure out what we would watch to kill time when I heard someone banging on our gate. I asked him to stop the music for a minute.
Whoever was outside the gate was mentioning my name. I shouted asking who it was. The guy identified himself as one of the tenants of the building I live in. For this story we’ll call him Fred.
He doesn’t live there but he has two shops in the premises. (It’s a commercial and residential building) . He was with two police officers. Tuanzebe and a female cop. They ask me to open the gate as they had found the car and needed its keys.
Immediately Tuanzebe starts saying anataka asanti. Aty kwani I’m not grateful. I tell him I am. He asks nitampea nini. Nkamwambia Alisha pewa lunch. He says anataka asanti from me personally, he knows I know what he means. Lol….
Fred has a Beamer and offered to help provided we fueled his car at a Shell or Total petrol station⛽. Lanes💁♀️😂. Tukaanza safari ya getting the brothers from their relative’s place since they were the ones with the key. Mark you, we didn’t know the exact house, just that in was in Munyaka. We figured it out though.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt is life throws some crazy shit at you but you always figure it out eventually. So there’s no need to trip coz eventually things always end up just fine. We gave the keys to one of the cop who was doing curfew patrol and asked how they found it.
The Lost and Found Car
Apparently the car was found abandoned in Hawaii from what we heard. Aty side za prisons. It was then towed back to the station. A popular theory was that ilikwama as it was going up some hill.
The car is notorious for kukwama which is usually annoying but in this case, it ended up being our saving grace. Upon checking, nothing was missing from the car except the detachable controller head Ya the car’s stereo system. The ignition had also been tampered with. But that was about it. The cop proceeded to go back to the station and asked us to report back there at around 7:30 a.m.
The next day was spent at the station pia only this time I wasn’t interrogated. The boys were asked questions about me though. They asked for 10k for towing the car. Tuanzebe also wanted something but we managed to get the car without paying him any more money.
We got our phones back after a week. They were at Central Police Station. The brothers had to give another Ksh2000 to secure the release of our phones. Of course the police officers didn’t give us any official report on their findings . Probably because they found nothing after keeping our phones for an entire week. But what do I know😀👀.
I was pretty impressed by how fast they found the car. It literally took them less than 15 hours. Turns out Kenyan police officers are efficient and organized. Shocker, right? I mean, story Ya ku track calls and putting out a BOLO are things we only see in movies. We were beyond impressed and grateful.
Nevertheless, there are still things that were a bit unsettling. Tuanzebe asking for my ‘gratitude’. Him telling the boys ameni penda. Yes, he said that to the brothers.
Him physically checking me out then smiling suggestively. I mean I’m not saying I’m all that. They say the beautiful ones have not yet been born. Those were just my observations, however. Observations that made me Hella uncomfortable.
Don’t get me started on the lunch thing. I no longer have any doubt Eldoret Police Officers are capable of doing police work. You, however , have to pay for it and endure some sort of harassment in the process, which shouldn’t be the case.
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