Being in a matatu has a lot of perks for us who love observing and thinking, we are like artists because right in front of us is a blank canvas, and a whole lot of ideas and people to paint. It is the same way and even better because we have no limits to how far our thoughts can take us!
I happened to get in the mind of the lady seated next to me and in my/ our thoughts she is on her way to meet up with the guy that she loves and had devoted everything to but only to realize two days back that he is married!
If you missed it, grab some popcorn and read it all here http://www.eldoretleo.com/thursday-musings-girl-bus/
Well, what a heartbreak! He now wants to meet up, and… say what exactly? I am as eager to find out. Come, grab your witch broom stick and let’s take a ride into her mind…
As I am still grappling with whether to hug her or to assume that she is not bothered by anything that my thoughts lead me to believe, I am exonerated by a phone call that she receives…
”…I heard you got a new giiiiirrrlll friend, and it’s hurting me, me, me…..” Stefflon Don’s voice is her ringtone!
For a minute I feel like letting loose and singing along, but before my mouth embarrasses me, a hello comes through…
Her: We just left, Yes, Be there in a few, sure see you in a bit.
Well…well… well. Today must be my lucky day, I must have really guessed her thoughts right. Now let’s play out that conversation one more time, shall we?
Him : Hey Babe
Her : Hi
Him : Are you coming? < For fear of looking desperate, he rephrased>
“Are you almost in town?”
Her : We just left, be there in a few.
Him : Alright, I will be in our favorite place, meet me there.
Her : Sure, see you in a bit.
Just like that she is hooked! Well, slightly, I think.
This is going to be interesting!
The bus ride to town comes to an end as the driver hits on the breaks. Thoughts and memories are interrupted as we get sucked into the busy streets. I am not sure what awaits me on the other side. I am worried, sad, anxious and everything that turns a smile into a frown because my love life is more fucked up this time than last time when my ex cheated on me with multitude of girls from my clique… Even though I was hurt at that time or even before, I have never really had a problem picking myself up again, this time though… I foresee a problem, a big one. This man surely knows how to aim for one’s heart.
What will he say to me? He loves me or that this was a mistake? Or that he is not happy in his marriage? I am certain that his mouth is going to spit out a plethora of lies to try and persuade me to stay or even better! Maybe to try and salvage his lying self! What will he say? That he never knew what love was until he met me? Oh what crap, I roll my eyes on the street and I wonder if the person passing by me second-guessed himself. I don’t care though. The better question is, what will I do or tell him when I see him?
In a minute, I will be on the step to our favorite place, it is an Irish bar and restaurant, a bit simple and that is why we like it, the lighting too is perfect, it is a classy place, I am a lights junky and I love this place mostly at night because of all the lighting effects, I wonder who chooses the music, it is slow, deliberate, message inclined and more of the oldies, just how I like it. It is a good place to really relax and let loose, you can really enjoy yourself when out here but not everyone gets the buzz that this place brings.
I digress but anyway, this is where we met, everything has a starting point, this place here was ours…is ours.
Oh Shucks! I might have to change hangout joints now, what a bummer!
I was brought back to the world of heart break when my heart started beating. I swear it was so loud that I had to look at the person nearest to me to know if he had noticed how loud it was, all in my head obviously.
Calm down, breath in! out! Repeat.
I matched up to our usual sitting spot, what can I say, we both love routines, change is not really our thing.
Ooh, his arms around me made me remember how they always make me feel safe.
He smells so good, It is the cologne I bought him * goodness, why did he have to use it today of all days?
I want to hold on to him and let it all out but my senses were not left back at my house, apparently I carried them. It’s unbelievable how I gently disengaged from his hug and sat down.
Sensing my retreat, he went mute for a minute.
We could both tell that this was going to be an awkward meet up… with awkward conversations lined up for an autograph… It’s going to be a long afternoon. Or a short one depending on my patience levels or the strength of the spell he cast on me.
The Girl on the bus #3 – The End Game!
The last petal falls noiselessly on the floor and so do my tears as I chant the last of ‘He loves me not.’ Silly game we played when we were kids but still means much to me as an adult.
Well, he is here with me, I can barely hear him as he keeps rumbling on about things, something about how he meant every word that he said to me before the great reveal, I am certain he meant it as an assurance but all it sounded to me is a sh*t load of lies accompanied with fake tonal variations and intonations with a momentary break of sighs and deep breaths here and there to let it all sink in. It is all games and I refuse to fall for it.
His eyes though, all I see is the first time he looked at me and how our eyes locked, I could swear that he was looking through me and straight into my soul, and what is the connection with my knees? Why do I always feel my knees shake each time he makes an eye contact?
And those lips, well, I cringe at the thought that I share them with anyone else, well she came first so really, what I am even doing here? I am sure that this is not what I want for myself but then again, isn’t he the best man I have ever had? Am I not happy? Don’t these scars feel like they will heal? I am really trying to convince myself, Am I not?
Why am I not thinking of his wife in a beautiful white gown with them exchanging the ‘I do’s’? Why am I not thinking of his little kids running up to him the moment he steps into his house, oh God! Now I am thinking about it, about them , about it all, It is such a cute little picture but then it breaks my heart into a million little pieces, what is this? What I am going to do?
What should I do?
Back to Reality…
The Bus comes to a stop and my heart already feels heavy with thoughts of this situation that I certainly hope to never be in, the heart may want what it wants but it is not always as straightforward as it should be.
As I take my broomstick to fly away to my day, I take a long glance at ‘Her’ and silently wish all the girls in her situation strength to make the right decisions…
******************* THE END ************************